


distance makes the heart grow fonder (right?)

by caixukuns



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Based off a Tweet, M/M, a little bit of fluffffff, not as angsty as it could have been buttttt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 03:25:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14685435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caixukuns/pseuds/caixukuns
Summary: when cai xukun imagined debuting, this wasn’t what he’d imagined, it was the last thing he could have ever wanted.





	distance makes the heart grow fonder (right?)

**Author's Note:**

> this fic came about from a conversation on twitter. specifically based on this reply:  
> https://twitter.com/PeachMoonlit/status/996057601149317121
> 
> also this tag is so dryyyyyyyy, i needed to quench my thirst. it's not edited so there might be some typos sjdfhsj
> 
> enjoy!

when cai xukun imagined debuting, this wasn’t what he’d imagined, it was the last thing he could have ever wanted.

 

* * *

 

he was so excited to debut with wang ziyi, someone who had become one of his (if not his only) closest friends during their short time filming idol producer. they bonded instantly and they were constantly together. you didn’t see one without the other and that’s how both of them liked it. 

xukun never shut up about ziyi and vice versa. in every single interview they would somehow bring up the other, they became inseparable. the other boys knew it, the staff knew it, and so did the citizen producers. 

but an idol is never safe when it comes to the public. there were many people who didn’t like their relationship and they didn’t keep quiet about it. ziyi started to get hate. and a lot of it. they said he was using xukun for fame, that he was only getting closer to xukun so he could have a chance to debut. 

ziyi tried to act like it was fine, that the antis weren’t affecting him, but he wasn’t fine. it was affecting him, so much that he was starting to distance himself from xukun. 

it hurt. 

it hurt a lot that ziyi was being harassed because of him. it wasn’t something they could escape either. every time he opened weibo, he’d somehow see someone trash talking his best friend. xukun had his fair share of hate and he’d learned to brush it off but it was different this time. it wasn’t something he could brush off, not when it was hurting ziyi and his relationship with the elder. 

he couldn’t do anything about the antis but he sure as hell wasn’t going to let it affect his friendship with the other. he stuck to ziyi as much as possible and kept reassuring him that everything would be okay. xukun didn’t see ziyi as some leech who was trying to use him to get ahead and he needed the other to believe that. 

 

ziyi only believed him when xukun kissed him.

it was three am and they were still practicing for their performance. ziyi was rehearsing the steps while xukun watched him through the mirror. it was only a few minutes after xukun was staring at him that ziyi noticed. he stopped and looked right back at the younger.

“what are you doing?” he asked.

“looking at you.”

“why?”

xukun shrugged. “you’re pretty to look at.”

ziyi didn’t say anything. he continued looking at xukun as the younger approached him. he stood in front of ziyi and gently cupped his face.

“i like you.” he said and attached his lips to ziyi’s.

it was only a small peck and he started to pull away but ziyi suddenly placed his hands on xukun’s waist and brought the smaller against him. 

“i like you too.” ziyi whispered.

xukun smiled against ziyi’s lips and they stayed there like that, kissing, until their lips were swollen.

 

from then on they became official. they didn’t tell anyone about the change in their relationship but they didn’t hide it either. 

they had fans who supported them so that was enough for them to ignore the antis.

 

but then they debuted and everything changed.

 

the antis seemed to get louder. they kept commenting on ziyi’s posts, telling him he wasn’t good enough, that he shouldn’t have debuted, and that it was all thanks to xukun he even got to where he was. 

it was wrong.

all wrong.

ziyi deserved to debut just as much as anyone. he continuously put others before him. he sacrificed himself for the other trainees and he worked hard to debut. he was the most talented and humble person xukun has ever met and he wished he could tell the antis off. 

but he couldn’t.

all he could do was eventually distance himself to make it seem like they weren’t close anymore so ziyi would stop getting hate. 

 

* * *

 

l.a was fine until they went shopping together. they had spent the whole day alone together but when they got back to the hotel, xukun saw the comments. he was sitting on the bed and scrolling through weibo when ziyi plucked the phone out of his hand.

“kunkun, stop.” ziyi said softly as he sat down in front of his boyfriend.

xukun looked at him. “i don’t like what they’re saying about you.”

“i know but ignore them.”

“i can’t.” xukun huffed.

“why not?” ziyi took xukun’s hand and laced their fingers together. “you ignore all the hate you get. why can’t you do the same now?”

“because that hate is directed at _me_. i don’t care what they say about me. i care what they say about you because they’re wrong and it bothers me that they can’t see you the way i do.”

ziyi smiled fondly. “they will never see me the way you see me.”

“i know but it just—i don’t know. it hurts.” xukun murmured.

ziyi squeezed his hand in comfort. “it does. it hurts me as well when i see you get hate but they’re antis, kun. they’re going to continue giving hate no matter what we do. we shouldn’t let it affect us.”

xukun let go of ziyi’s hand and stood up. he walked over to the window and stared out at the night sky. a few seconds later, he felt ziyi’s arms circle around his waist, and his head rest on his shoulder.

xukun sighed. “we shouldn’t let it affect us but it’s mostly my fans that don’t like you and i wished they did because i like you.”

ziyi hugged him a little tighter. “you only like me? i thought we were past that or am i moving too fast?”

xukun rolled his eyes and turned around, wrapping his arms around ziyi’s neck. he kissed his boyfriend’s nose and rested his forehead against the other’s.

“you know we’ve moved past that stage.” he said.

“i want to hear you say it.” ziyi grinned.

xukun groaned and hid his face against his boyfriend’s neck.

“why,” he whined.

“it’s nice to hear it.” ziyi answered.

“i love you,” xukun whispered into his ear, “you know i do.”

ziyi pulled away. “please don’t tell me there’s a but coming.”

the younger bit on his bottom lip and avoided eye contact.

“xukun, don’t.” 

“we have to stop being affectionate and touchy in public.” xukun finally said.

ziyi frowned. “no. i don’t want to do that.”

“we have to, ziyi. it’s the only way you’ll stop receiving hate.”

“we don’t have to do anything.” ziyi’s frown deepened. “touching you and looking at you has become second nature to me. i won’t be able to stay away from you, you know that.”

xukun dropped his arms from around his boyfriend. “ziyi, please. you know it’s going to hurt me too but we need to.”

“i can handle the hate, kunkun.”

“i don’t want you to get hate to handle in the first place.”

“there’s nothing we can do about that.” ziyi argued.

“we can do this. it will get them to calm down or whatever.”

his boyfriend looked at him for a long time. xukun knew his boyfriend was thinking about all the ways to try and get him to change his mind. 

“ziyi,” he said softly.

the taller of the two pursed his lips and sighed.

“are you sure?” he asked.

xukun nodded. 

“fine but don’t blame me if someone else tries to get into my pants.” ziyi smirked.

“please, everyone knows we’re together. no one would dare.”

“you’re not even gonna act jealous?” ziyi pouted.

“no,” xukun smiled, placing his hands on both sides of ziyi’s hips, “because you’re mine.”

he pulled his boyfriend into his body and kissed him.

“all mine.” the younger murmured into ziyi’s mouth.

 

* * *

 

but it wasn’t easy.

they started out slow. first it was at the airport, ziyi didn’t walk as close to him as he used to. they kept a respectable distance even though xukun’s fingers itched to reach out and hold his boyfriend. then xukun didn’t follow ziyi back on instagram. he didn’t think it was that big of a deal and ziyi didn’t seem to mind but their fans did. they kept speculating, wondering why xukun wouldn’t mutual him back. 

oh, if only he could. if only he could shout out all his feelings from a rooftop for the whole world to hear.

but he couldn’t so he didn’t.

 

* * *

 

they had their very first fanmeet when they returned from l.a and they did their very best to stay away from each other but it was hard. they had their moments. they smiled at each other and xukun looked at him every chance he could get. 

ziyi was happy on stage doing what he loved the most. he was all smiles and laughs and xukun wished he could openly stare at him and take in the moment with him. he wanted to cherish that beautiful smile forever because he didn’t know if he would ever see that in person again. after they disband, would they keep in touch? would they meet up? would they break up?

he didn’t want to think about any of that but he hoped that ziyi would always have a smile adorning his face. if anyone deserved to be happy, it was him. so xukun watched his boyfriend as much as he could without being too touchy. he kept his distance and the fanmeet was fine until ziyi said “i love you” to chengcheng.

xukun felt a knife pierce through his heart when the words came out of his boyfriend’s mouth.

he knew that ziyi didn’t mean it _that_ way but he said it so casually and xukun wanted to be on the receiving end of that. but he couldn’t be so he put on a fake smile and pretended to be fine when in reality he felt like his whole world was being torn apart.

he pushed it out of his mind and focused on their performances and being a good leader but he was still a bit off and ziyi noticed. as they were walking off stage, his boyfriend wrapped his arm around xukun’s waist and gently squeezed his hipbone before letting go. the moment went by too quickly but xukun smiled sadly at him nonetheless.

the fanmeet continued with the both of them trying to stay apart. xukun found himself gravitating towards ziyi every time the other was near but he forced himself to keep a distance. instead, he interacted more with the other members and ziyi did the same. 

before he knew it, the fanmeet was over. once they thanked their fans, they headed backstage. they all decided to take a selfie as a group so xukun held the camera and took a few. once everyone was satisfied with the pictures, they went around the dressing room, cleaning up their clothes. but xukun was too busy looking at the pictures. he was especially looking at the way ziyi’s arms were draped around chengcheng and zhangjing. 

ziyi was an affectionate person. he expressed his feelings through physical contact and he was clingy. xukun knew this. it didn’t bother him. what bothered him was the fact that he couldn’t be the one ziyi could put his arms around. he couldn’t be the one ziyi could be openly affectionate with. 

they could only be physical in private and xukun hated that. he wanted to show everyone how he felt about ziyi. he just wanted to be open. he didn’t want to hide it but he also didn’t want ziyi to get hate because he couldn’t control himself. 

he wished things could be different.

xukun took one last look at the pictures before he sent them to the rest of the members in the group chat and gathered his stuff. he started to make his way out of the room to get to the van but as he was walking away from the group, he felt a hand on his arm. he didn’t have to turn around to know who it was but he turned to face the other man.

his boyfriend was looking at him with a concerned frown. xukun shook his head and smiled stiffly, letting him know he was fine and went to go sit in the van. he sat in the very back and a few minutes later, ziyi sat next to him. 

“baby, what’s wrong?” ziyi asked quietly.

“nothing, just tired.” xukun answered just as quietly.

ziyi got impossibly closer, their thighs and shoulders were now touching, and he patted his shoulder.

“rest your eyes for a bit.” 

the younger nodded and gladly rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. he sighed deeply and closed his eyes. he was slowly falling asleep when he felt ziyi’s hand under his. he intertwined their fingers together and snuggled into his boyfriend.

 

* * *

 

after the fanmeet, ziyi went home to visit his family and xukun went to finland to shoot. they were apart for a few days and they spent the time texting and facetiming. xukun got the most rest he’d gotten in months but he missed ziyi and he couldn’t wait to go back.

the day before he had to go back, ziyi and jeffrey posted on weibo. they posted selfies with cute matching captions and xukun couldn’t help the way his heart seemed to weaken a bit. ziyi and jeffrey were roommates during their stay in the idol producer building and they were close friends but xukun was just a little bit jealous. he wished he could take cute selfies and have a cheesy matching caption with ziyi.

he turned off his phone and unconsciously played with the gold couple ring ziyi had bought him a few months back.

 

* * *

 

things continued that way. they kept their distance even though it was killing them both. they’d find each other reaching out for physical contact but then they’d remember what they agreed on and they’d just smile sadly. 

during their idol producer days and a month into their debut, xukun borrowed almost all of ziyi’s clothes. he was constantly wearing something that belonged to his boyfriend and at some point, he didn’t even have to ask anymore. ziyi didn’t mind, he let xukun take whatever he wanted. 

that stopped as well. xukun didn’t borrow his clothes anymore. he’d steal a cap here and there but he didn’t take ziyi’s jackets or shirts or pants. he missed stealing them, he missed the smell of ziyi whenever he wore something of his boyfriend’s, he missed sleeping with ziyi’s big shirts but he had to suck it up so he did.

they both stopped wearing their rings as well and xukun's finger felt so naked without it. he felt empty inside whenever his eyes wandered to ziyi's hand to find the ring missing from his finger.

they both started getting closer with the other members. during fanmeets, they stayed away from each other, and had more moments with the members they got close to.

ziyi continued taking selfies with all of the members but xukun. 

xukun followed the other members on instagram but ziyi.

they still spent time together, of course. they didn’t share a room but they spent most of their time in each other’s. and during concerts and fanmeets, they almost always shared a hotel room.

but even with all that time spent together, it felt like they were being torn apart and it hurt xukun’s entire being. their conversations seemed to be getting shorter and shorter. they used to be able to talk for hours on end but now, now, it was as though they didn't have much to say to each other. his heart ached for the relationship they had before they had debuted. he wanted to go back to when they were constantly together, when they shared looks and had their inside jokes, when they could be together without having eyes judging their every move. 

he missed that more than anything. that closeness they once had, it was gone. 

and he couldn’t blame anyone but himself.

 

* * *

 

xukun was lying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling. they had just finished up a concert and he was exhausted but he couldn’t sleep.

he was thinking about ziyi, of course he was. when wasn't he? he was thinking about the way ziyi was all over chengcheng and yanjun and how they went through the entire night without having a moment for themselves. they shared a few looks but they ended in seconds. it wasn't enough and now xukun was alone in his bed while ziyi was sharing a room with a member who wasn't him.

he groaned loudly and pulled the covers over him when he heard a soft knock. he frowned. who the hell was awake at this hour? it was almost five am. the members should be sleeping.

he got out of bed and went to open the door. ziyi was leaning against the doorframe and looking super soft in his big hoodie. xukun just wanted to cuddle him for the rest of his life. ziyi's hair was messy and it looked like he was seconds away from passing out. xukun stepped aside to let him in. he closed the door and followed his boyfriend inside. ziyi collapsed onto his bed but kept looking at xukun.

“what’s wrong?” xukun asked, sitting crosslegged on the bed.

ziyi put his feet in xukun’s lap. “you tell me.”

“there’s nothing wrong with me. what’s wrong with you? why are you awake at five in the morning?”

ziyi sat up but wrapped his legs around xukun’s waist and rested his hands on his boyfriend’s thighs. 

“i can ask you the same thing, kunkun.” ziyi said. “now tell me what’s wrong and don’t try to say it’s nothing. you haven’t been yourself these past couple of months.”

“it’s nothing.”

ziyi gave him a look. “don’t lie to me.”

xukun didn’t say anything and avoided looking at him. ziyi removed his legs from around the younger and untangled xukun’s own. he then placed xukun’s legs around his waist and pulled his boyfriend into his lap. he put one hand around xukun’s neck and gently played with the ends of his hair.

“it’s the whole being apart thing, isn’t it?” ziyi asked.

xukun looked at him and nodded. “it was my idea but it’s killing me.”

his boyfriend’s gaze softened. “i know. seeing you with the other members and not being the one who can touch you when i want to kills me too.”

“wang ziyi,” xukun said, his eyebrows raising, “are you jealous?”

ziyi scrunched up his nose. “just a little.”

“you’re so cute.” xukun cooed, scrunching up his nose as well.

“you’re cuter.” ziyi grinned before kissing the tip of his boyfriend’s nose. 

xukun closed his eyes and leaned into ziyi, hugging him tightly. his boyfriend returned the hug and rubbed his back.

“do you want to stop?” ziyi asked quietly.

“i do but i don’t want the hate to start again.” xukun replied, placing his head into the crook of ziyi’s shoulder.

the hate did stop when they started to distance themselves. there were still some antis but it wasn’t as bad as before. xukun’s plan had worked and he didn’t want to go back to square one. if he started receiving hate again, what would the point of what they went through these past few months have been?

ziyi’s hold on him tightened just slightly. “i can handle the hate, kunkun. you know i can.”

the younger slowly pulled away and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes. ziyi waited for him to say something but he didn’t know what to say. he knew his arguments would be moot. he didn’t want to continue this way and neither did ziyi.

his boyfriend held his face in his hands. “i can handle the hate. what i can’t handle is seeing you hurt like this. you’ve been so down and your smiles aren’t genuine anymore.”

ziyi was looking at him so earnestly and holding him so gently that he felt his heart flutter uncontrollably in his chest.

he deflated. “fine.”

ziyi laughed. “don’t act like this is such a hardship. you were longing for me just as much as i was for you.”

xukun rolled his eyes but he laid down on the bed, pulling ziyi along with him. 

“you can’t prove that.” he said, sticking his tongue out.

ziyi flipped them over so that xukun was the one lying on top of him.

“i don’t want to prove it.” ziyi said seriously. “i don’t want to see you down like this ever again. i want to see you smiling and laughing and making my heart beat faster by the minute.”

xukun made a face. “who knew you could be so cheesy. it’s gross.” but he was smiling.

“i say it so you can smile like that.” ziyi said affectionately as he pushed away a few strands of hair that were blocking xukun’s eye.

“i love you,” xukun said.

“i love you more.”

“impossible.” the younger huffed.

“not impossible now shut up.” ziyi huffed back. “let’s get some sleep.”

he gently pushed xukun off of him but wrapped an arm around him as he pulled the blanket over them.

“you can’t boss me around, i’m _your_ leader.”

“i’m older.” ziyi countered as he kissed his boyfriend’s forehead. “it’s almost six am. we have to be up soon. sleep.”

xukun snuggled into ziyi’s body. “night.”

“night, baby, sleep well.”

 

* * *

 

they were bound to get hate. every celebrity did. it didn’t matter who you were dating or who you were. receiving hate is not something that can be avoided easily but as long as you had someone by your side, it was going to be okay.

xukun and ziyi had each other’s backs and there was nothing that could keep them apart for long. 

they were going to be okay, no matter what.

 


End file.
